Raising a child with ADHD

The following essay was writen by a parent of a college student who gave permission for you to read this very revealing personal account. The essay was written by the father following a classroom discussion on teaching children with disabilities. “Samuel” (a pseudonym) asked his father to tell him what his childhood and school years had been like for them. His father sent the following letter.

What is it like to raise a child that suffers from Attention Deficit Disorder with hyperactivity: Frustrating, agonizing, heartbreaking and, yes, even heart-warming. Samuel Lee Harris came into the world with a zeal for life that matched none I have ever seen. His energy seemed at first just a bit more astute than other children. He was most exquisitely attuned to all that occurred around him. My being a theater arts man, lock stock and barrel, I delighted in his observational skills. Little did I know at the beginning that it was an awareness that would grow to cause many unwanted disruptions and problems. Samuel rushed through everyday in a feverish pace, actively engaging himself in a myriad of tasks. Most of these activities being play, but a good deal of extremely focused times on certain tasks. One such task was the building of cities from legos. Legos were not the only objects he used, they were only the beginning. He soon added to the legos, boxes, blocks, newspaper clippings of ads and words, old Christmas decorations and countless other items, any item he could get his hands on, that could become what he could vision in his head. His extreme creativity coupled with his immeasurable observational skills and complete awareness of his surroundings never indicated an attention problem. I was quite active and creative as a child, as was my wife, so the idea of there being a problem never crossed my or my wife's mind.

Around age eight we began to notice a slight or so it seemed then focusing problem. Samuel was unable to block out the world around him. A fly would demand his attention; a sound outside would find him leaping up from whatever he was doing to rush to the nearest window or door to see what was going on. On his way there or back the simple ruffling of a curtain the sound of the heater coming on or even the ticking of the clock often distracted him. Yet, the idea of legos and the building of cities was still an exceptionally focused activity. The strangeness of this inconsistent distractibility disturbed me as well as the inability to focus. Samuel was obviously a very bright and highly intelligent little tike and the two did not seem to go well together. But, the fact that he was only a child and that his creativity far surpassed other children his age and older let the concern take the back seat for the time being.

It was in the third grade, however, that my wife and I became increasingly concerned. Samuel's school papers began to show more and more signs of not staying on task. In conferences with his teacher, we were told he was like a steam engine of activity. He was up and down constantly, never finishing his tasks or assignments, before he was off playing with something, someone, or up and dancing about, singing or making loud out bursts. She said she was never quite sure what to expect; except anything and everything, he had no bounds. He did at home, we told her. In a discussion with Samuel we discovered he was completely clueless to the disruptive nature of his actions and that he was so easily distracted. We began to tighten our reigns at home and administered punishments for bad reports from school. Well the grades on papers got worse and worse and the notes unending.

The teachers frustration point was about to blow out the top and I was not exactly sitting on the calm seat. I began to try and find an answer to this dilemma I (we) faced by reading every article I could on learning disabilities. One day I stumbled upon a new article--a recent discovery about a learning disability; Disability not disorder. I began to read the article and found I was reading about my son, my Samuel. Each and every paragraph defined his actions and his inability to focus. Was this possible, could a chemical imbalance in the body and brain cause such disruption? I searched out more and more information on this new discovery --- ADD Attention Deficit Disorder. About a week or so after I was deep into the problem that plagued my son, his teachers, and myself I found the real key --- ADHD Attention Deficit Disorder with hyperactivity. Eureka! This was it! Now, how to work with it? Many doctors and specialist in the field of disorders suggested behavioral modifications or the use of Ritalin. Ritalin was the drug to adjust the chemical imbalance and aid in the channeling of the focus of the child. It was not a cure or solution, just an aid. There was a great deal of literature on the side effects of the drug many pro, but an increased number of con. I opted to go with behavioral modifications.

I studied the countless journals and articles and reflected back to my early years with a brother who was severely injured in the skull and brain in a car accident and how I was guided to help him regain his abilities what ever they may be. Putting the complied data together in regard to where we were with Samuel I began to make learning a playtime. My wife and I created treasure hunts that required Samuel to complete tasks and assignments to find and retrieve an award and or treat. The plan worked. He was not disabled or dumb he was quite intelligent and ever so capable of doing the work he was failing in school. I discovered any time spent sitting for more than 15 minutes began to cause the wiriness and ill focused activity.

The days at school for Samuel were becoming more and more unbearable for him and for me. The teacher had become a thorn in my side with whines and complaints about Samuel having a definite problem and he needed to go to “redemption” and special help classes. Samuel was very well liked by his peers and had no problems fitting into a group. But this teacher was not aware of ADD or ADHD. I went into the classroom and observed Samuel and found myself observing the teacher more. The teacher who was very set in her ways incapable of change or distraction from her ultimately planned routine. She annoyed and bored me, while frustrating the ever loving *%*)!@# out of me.

After a few days of observation and several papers with LARGE sad faces on them, I could take not a moment more. Samuel was doing fine at home and showed he had intelligence and creativity. I packed up my folder of ADD and ADHD information and plan of action and went in to chat with my son's teacher. I suggested that she might try giving Samuel half a math sheet to do then allow him a more active task; to give him active as well as less focused activity for such long periods of time. I showed her the articles from which I had been so enlightened, and she tossed it all aside. The interactions during the year continued to escalate to a few very intense knock down verbal interactions.

Meanwhile the little boy that was so zealous about getting up to greet each day and attack each day with the energy of the sun and the zest of the roaring sea was solemn and mopping and even expressing he wish he were dead. His teacher’s conduct and remarks were deflating his spirit and hurting his social life. I reached my all-time frustration level. I marched into the dear teacher's room and let her know how illiterate she was and how unmannerly her conduct to my son was and that I planned to prove her wrong and make her life as much hell as she had made mine, slamming the door I fumed all the way home. What was I going to do now?

After a suitable cooling time and careful consoling by my dear wife, it was decided we would go out of town to have Samuel tested for ADHD and whatever else the Educational Psychologist suggested. The testing was the longest waiting period of my life. What if I had been wrong about my layman's diagnosis of Samuel's situation? What if he was suffering from a real disability? What if nothing was wrong with him but a badly mannered highly disruptive child? I was going crazy. My nerves and emotional core was a complete disaster. The door to the doctor’s office opened. There stood the two of them Dr. Barnhart and Samuel. They looked like too old buddies; both with big smiles and laughing and playing jokes with each other. How had she done this? Samuel was back to the boy I was losing. He was standing there before me. I know a tear fell from my eye and down my cheek as I viewed this most relieving site. Whatever the test outcome was Samuel was smiling and laughing and that was enough for me.

Dr. Barnhart told Samuel to go and play in the other room, she need to spend some time with the adults now. Samuel was glad to obey and please her. Once inside her office I was amazed at the test results and the things she had learned about Samuel; most of which I knew and several things that amazed me. It was that day that I realized Samuel would go far in his life in what ever career he chose, but he road to his success was not going to be easy for him or me, any of us. The final result of the time at the Educational Psychologist was to implement behavioral modifications in the classroom for sure, Ritalin on a small scale (more for the teacher than for Samuel). It was needed for Samuel to get on task and to bring him back to blending into the social group the teacher had destroyed for him. The Ritalin was a great help, but I found I was becoming more addicted to it then Samuel could ever be. No more arguments and tongue-lashings. Well, for a while. See as the drug wears off the system rebels and the child can often become violent and hateful, defiant and unruly. Yes, we had to deal with these countless times, too many times.

School was still an endless battle. The teacher refused to follow any of the modifications the psychologist had sent and continued to complain and ridicule. In like fashion I, despite my efforts to control, would almost daily lash out at the teacher. After many endless hours of frustration and pain, the school year did end.

The summer was great. We weaned Samuel off the drug for the summer months and continued to work our behavioral modifications and worked to advance him in the school lessons that faced him in the 4th grade in the fall. School starting back meant that the Ritalin started back again, too. It was a most successful year. We gave the school a second copy of the doctor’s report and suggestions as well as the 4th grade teacher. She was a dream. She asked for the articles I had read and she read them. She found some of her own and shared the ones that varied from my finding with me. Samuel blossomed and flourished in the 4th grade. We were extremely content.

Good things never last too long. Fifth grade was a disaster. The teacher was a repeat of the third grade. I vowed not to have words with her. She was beyond reproach, and so we doubled the at home modifications and began to do at home schooling while Samuel was still going to school each day. Our lives were hell! The added workload of teaching Samuel at home, running our own ever growing business, a second infant child to care for, and a school system that lived in the 1930's was wearing hard on our nerve endings. I began to notice a strain on my relationship with my wife and when we talked about the situation, we decided that Samuel would change schools in the fall.

The years got longer the lessons harder and the attention so sporadic we were on a never-ending roller coaster of emotions. My wife and I had agreed that this was to never to be blamed on Samuel and that the disorder could be dealt with in one manner or another. The Ritalin had stopped begin administered in the fifth grade and by the eighth grade, we were really fried, but to our surprise Samuel was doing great. Not an easy life for us. Some days were full of nagging and coaxing and even fighting about getting this done, paying attention and you must learn to stay on task. Learning to make list after list of plans of action and process to the final result were driving me NUTS. I had a life and I wanted to live it. Thank God for a second child who was very together and able to be attentive and function without begin affected by a disorder or Samuel’s disorder.

High school brought more planning skills and learning tactics to help Samuel to achieve and grow intellectually and remain socially and mentally stable. It was at this time we sat Samuel down and explained to him the many things ADHD is and does to a person. He understood and asked if that is why he is and acts like he does. I was relieved. He was now ready to be and active part of his behavioral modifications.

We still face days of endless stress with Samuel and his lack of attention; perhaps me more than my wife. I am a more focused person than she. My wife tends to actually be more like Samuel and focuses on those things that only interest her, leaving the rest to the wind and willows. Overall the raising of a child with ADHD was not at all a pleasant experience. The time trying to teach skills in math and what I perceive as simple subjects was tedious and frustrating. The over excitable character of Samuel was often far too annoying. But as I viewed his creativity and his love of others his innate abilities and knowledge, I did learn to over look and truly love the boy who became an outstanding High School student and a truly rewarding and rewarded college student and will I am certain be a most admired and credible adult. God forbid he ever loses the lists of how to deal with himself. Note to Samuel: Keep the list!